romancemischief

I've had great talks with Sally tonight. I love watching her on her Cam. I'm counting until the day we meet. Salllyyyyyyyyy ..I want you to want me, I need you to need me, I'm begging you to beg me, I'd love you to love me x

Today's been ok. Quite fun actually...Went ice skating, This fat kid tried to bully me and act funny because i can skate and he can't i think he was trying to make out that i was showing off. I wouldn't of called it showing off. If i can skate i'm not gonna pretend i can't to make his fat arse feel better am i?

Seen Mart in the forum and spoke to him for a while before going to get the bus, Which was i admit.. The WRONG bus. It was suppose to take me outside my house but no it decided it wanted to go to middlesbrough. Anyway it was a hour journey on the bus i ended up falling sleep listening to Alexisonfire :o) Finally got bk home for about 1ish But had to be back at work for half past so i quickly made myself and Sarah some food. We ate it and got a lift off my step dad back to work. Were we done nothing. Apart from i wrote a letter to Sally.

I don't really write this journal for people to read, as ive mentioned before I write it so i can review my day. So to be honest i couldn't careless if nobody read this journal. Plus may i add this is my journal and i write as much or as less as i like in it. Thankyou.

Its kirstys and sooz birthday today as everyone will know. I hope they have a good day, I have them both cards. Going to the pictures on friday with them which should be a laugh.

Hali wants to go cow tipping in england now. I think she has a cow fetish. Shes a funny girl though, Always knows how to gets me going on one! Hopefully she will be able to come to Wales with me in Feb. *fingers crossed*

I've just had a arguement with my mum, I think she hates me. I really don't like her shouting at me i think shes a fucking bitch when shes like this. She made me cry and i wish she would drop dead. She can stick with her fucking golden son and husband there her life, she doesnt care how i fucking feel how or she makes me feel. bitch

*Salute*

i just want to say a big sorry to sally. apparently i'm wrong about her but who knows ey :op ha only but that because she told me to apologise! well looka baby i'm really sorry. do i get some loving now? and some attention seems am in a little mumffy milly as kp would call it...attention seeking mood. ha

me and hali have been talking and i think i'm right about not being wanted. maybe i shouldnt of rushed things its just when its staring you in the face its a nightmare..feels like shes ignoring me. doesnt like talkin to me ne more, puts in relationship but has a total different perfect partner and what makes her happy is a lass she 'loves' call her baby. she took me off her linked profiles. am i being paranoid? i think there going on holiday together aswel. maybe i just need to calm down. i wouldnt get worked up if i didnt feel ne thing for her would i? i just feel useless...i wanna be with her so much but maybe i'm a bit to obsessed and paranoid. she promised never to hurt me. she will think am a dickhead now for rittin this. she will probaly not speak to me again but she jus isnt online for me to tell her. i hope people understand its only because i dont want to be hurt again. i like her so much :'(

Anyway i know i've typed in this journal to much today and moaned about almost anything but its my journal so fuck you.

i'm gonna have some food then bye the time i've finished deggy should be here. hes picking me up in his car and were going for a drive, picking riko up aswel were gonna have mad laughs like the old days. deggys sweet as hehe bless him. i remember when i was going out with him...he was sweet. i dont look at him like that anymore...i wouldnt say he is ugly but i would say that i wouldnt go there again with him. he seems to be a miles better person now but i'll have to judge for myself. why use worrying...i'm gay :op i wouldnt give into a lad like zara gave into a kfc! hehe
toodles..

gonna get drunk tonight and hopefully it will be so drunk i wont even remember my name

feel free to ring me ne one....if you need me or just want a natter x

So i rang a old friend.. we chatted and had a little giggle at things. was on the phone for a hour, the time flew by!

i went to the shop and gots some food so am happy now.

i'm guessing by kps journal that me and her arent gonna talk anymore. i understand..

am gonna keep myself to myself, its the only way i dont get hurt. If i get close to people it all goes wrong. I want to get close to someone but i'm scared and think she doesnt really want me, I think she wants someone else.

Happy birthday to sooz and kirsty tomorrow. i will drop your card off tomorrow maybe..i'll just slide it through the letterbox or something.

now am pissed off. am hungry and our kitchen is getting done out. fuck them am going to the fish shop for sum fish and chips!

Sooo today has been ok, sarah rang me this morning at half 8 asking me were i was and if i was going to work haha. then she said she would meet me at 9 at the rec! anyway i went bk to sleep hehe. woke up at 8:50 and quickly had a wash got ready and wnet to meet her we gots to work and i had about 4 games of pool and was talking to lou about holidays and xmas. eee lou rocks! shes a class trainer! at 2 clock i wanted to make a C.v so i made one then everyone was allowed to go home around half 2 i wanted to stay and go on the computers but i sat down then thought i cant be bothered so i came home. the wind is crazy! wearin ma 'stupid factory, were boys r made!' hate and it blew off! eeek! ....i think i would of fell sleep today if i wasnt txtin sally. i rang her to and gots her to say 'but i'm the only gay in the village' eee i learnt stuff about new yrs about other countries because am sad! lol anyway i thought it was interesting.

am homeeeeeeeee now and very bored.

work tomorrow starts at 10 at the forum and we can choose what we wanna do and they pay so maybe i will join the gym or go ice skating i will just have to decide tomorrow! thursday is hollywood bowl with work i think that starts at 10 aswel...woo dont i live the easy life :op.

anyway i made some new yrs revolutions are, lose weight (only about a stone) and eat healthy and be active/fit. 2nd one is get a better job and learn how to save my money! lol. awel hope they last :o).

everything is great at the moment, theres only one thing i'd change about my life right now and that would to be for ma lil troop to live closer. woooooo mad hypers again.

Sooo today has been ok, Talking to sally..seems thats the only thing we can do for now. meaning she lives to far away for me to go see her like on a normal day or wenever i like. sarah and bev came over we went to the pub and something else which was really important..ne way b4 i went out i told kp i was going out and my mum was at ikea and my brother was out ne way she rang me about half hour after i went out saying she was coming for the rats anyway it pissed me off coz that meant i had to go home, well i didnt have to but you no i cant let her go and wait around and stuff ne way i got a taxi home and kp hali and ami were in mine my mum had jus came bk from ikea she sed...kp dropped sum things off and took the rats i had a little talk with hali outside and then ami and kp joined us. had a little gabber the lot of us had a laugh..i cudnt stand still tho because i was so hyper. anyway she took the rats i will miss them so will my mum but theres hers, belong at her house i suppose. talking about kp i just got atxt off her..lol bless shes seen a car number plate on tv pkp in it and sed she thought of me. eee sally asked me if i new debby tonight which made me laugh, then i decided to read sum of my old mail from debby wen she use to be after me...i need to deflate my head sometimes.i had a great chat with kp tonight on msn about me..eee i really need to deflate my head. hali rang me about a hour ago i think it was nice of her to call.things feel great like this. i was doing sarahs and bevs head in like in stockton i cudnt stop talking i was so happy and hyper....i think its the effects sallys having on me i think. I'm so tired and i have work in the mornning pfft. i've realised a few things tonight. things i should of realised b4. gonna get bk to sally now seems she off the phone and she sed shes all mine now. holy shit i cant believe hali put that pic on her lj of me! pfft hehe its funny! i look proppa sad!

Soooooooooo been talking to Sally and Hali today...Sally mostly and watching her on her webcam..

Ian dropped my cd and stuff off so that was cool i can now listen to my lovers again!

Sallys a knobber but i tell ya what guys...shes my knobber haha!
shes class to tlk toooooo! mwah x

so as far as last night went it was good. i was so stoned i couldnt remember eating a parmo and passing out. haha. that has to be the funniest house i've been in, her disabled sister was going am gonna chop the cats legs off so she walks like me lmao...then she was doing peter kay impressions, its jus the way natz done them...i was in stitches! her mum was pissed as a fart b4 we got there anyway ohh i love her mam so much shes so funny. rikos dad made a joint for me, riko, her mum and him....riko left half of hers coz she was stoned because they were so strong, i smoked all mine then made another :D hehe. watched old skool/peterkay and i feel sleep, we were gonna start drinkin vodka and stuff but i was recked. i got woken up by a fone call, cant memba the conversation tho i think it might of been off sally...anyway nah it cant b :s she txt me jus after it saying night and stuff...awel i will check ma fonee.

i missed talking to knobber! lol was texting her though and then wen she didnt txt bk i thought i pissed her off...pfft anyway she said i didnt so thats ok (if she isnt lying :p) woooooooope! if all goes well 12th feb i will be going down, scared like. see to knobber i come arcoss (i think) as really confident and stuff but on msn i can tlk and tlk and tlk and because she cant see me or hear me i dont care what i say lol. anywayyyyy hopefully she will be coming up here wen i come bk homeeeeee travelling bk together :) and i think shes staying at minee...i'm excited..and its ages away lol!

i have two t.b.s tickets and i wanna go with everyone, i feel guilty if i take sumone and leave the other person out. the tickets were meant for me and ami but jus readin her profile....i feel the same like with sometimes we can b talking and stuff and the next not, never mind. i wanna take hali because she gave me the tickets...maybe i should just give them to ami and hali :( grrr i love t.b.s tho. grr i aint sure..

i was fuming last night b4 i went to rikos. i was throwing things and stuff because i got the feeling everyone was blaming me for making people depressed and stuff. i was shouting and stuff and even riko sed she got scared, but ne way i calmed down and riko told me how my life was b4 i met all them and she sed i was the most care-free person she knew and i didnt give a shit and i would have a beauty laugh, then she told me how i was like for the period i was haning about with them and she sed i seemd depressed, never wanted to go out, and all that crap and then she told me how i've been the past couple of days..she sed it seems like the old me and i shud just forget everything and all them lot. she doesnt understand how hard it is i think. see i could mayb forget a few of them but i aint gonna lose friends unless there like totally shit on me. i kno wen pple read this there maybe gonna b angry and probaly wont tlk to me ne way.

i told richard to get lost and leave me alone.

awel bk at work tomorrow, then i start a new job if i accept its more money and better things come out of it.

so now i'm getting blamed for depressing people. I cant help it if i dont take shit off anyone, if anyone expected me to even think about taking kp back after she slapped me they had another thing coming. i'm letting her see her rats arent i. had a arguement with my mum because my mum loves them but doesnt think i shud b nice and keep them here while people treat me like that. the thing with ian is....well to be honest i'm not sure. i asked his opinon about sally because i know hes good at explaining stuff and what i have to think about n what i want from things..sorry ian.

well todays been ok kp came round saw her rats n left took me and my mum hour a half to get the rat bk. it was a bastard. riko came round had dinner n we went to the shop and went to gemmas then sarahs then came bk to mine.. sally rang me on the way home which i loveeeee hearing her sexy accent! its so hard though her in wales, me here. jus wish we lived closer...may i add i aint giving up yet tho :) 12th FEB am gonna be in wales (H) with my baby!!

going to rikos drinking nowwwww mint ey :p

ahhhhhh what a lovely morning! not..well went to bed late again.

woke up and i was sick and a heavy nose bleed. i've never had a proppa nose bleed b4. was weird as!...

anyway watching looney toons now on dick and dom.

sallys online now woo.. she rocks my world x

Sometimes love is addiction
Sometimes it hurts like hell
And sometimes you just cannot get enough
You can't make me love you,
Any more than i do
But you can make me unreachable

woo lyrics of ashlee simpsons!

i was rambling on about someone to hali last night saying..

i would climb the highest moutain jus to take a picture and show her and say thats how much i miss u everyday

i would die the hardest way if they wud miss me a tiny tiny tiny bit

i would drownd in the deepest sea if she wanted to no what it felt like to drown or if she called someone a legend whos been to the bottom of the sea.(wud obv have to tie like bricks n stuff to me so i wouldnt float)

i have weird examples wen am drunk of even when am not. i dunno why these came out of my mouth but now i think about it. there quite funny

Grrrrrrrr! at the Railway services! Been trying to order a ticket all morning and its just pants! Stupid heads:p!

So as far as last night goes. It went well i think :op Apart from the walk home and stuff. I enjoyed it. Specially when i got home....I was still very drunk and spilt my heart out to sally.. lol I'm apologising now! We talked alot of chedder..We gave each other 10 good things about each other. She put about 4 in a each number even though there isnt many things thats good about me. She seems to think so though..which i aint complaining at all!

You know wen you like have had girls before that pester you and stuff and you dont even like them much but you go along with them and stuff and they are madly inlove with you but you only like them well thats happend with me alot before...but sally we seem to feel the same for each other...(i think) :p

I got photo's back, put some new ones on fp...i think there ok. the ones of cassie didnt come out very well. and there are ones of kps boobs. i will rather give them to her or get rid of them, there naughty as.

my baby was on tv this morning! (ashlee simpson) aww god shes great!!!! and sexy!

Sooz was funny las night...she looked scared wen i started copying everything she done! lol kurstay gave me her lolly from lapland hehe sweet as! tasted nice i think lol jaz kept stealin it from me tho! then hali and ami! tut shocking as :p.

hali is so kind. i love her meeee! think she rocks...got a gooden ther amez! she comes up with the best things too. if it wasnt for her i wouldnt be as happy as i am right now :op i rock more like!

sooz n kurstay are the best dancing twins i've ever seen..aha

so today was going well until sarah cut ians hair.

went to the g, was good. until i got slapped from kp and then i gave lloyd a peck which i got wrong for from kp and so when we were talking i just said am going home..walking home a fucking refugee fucking asks if he can take me home i say no he makes a move i push him he punches me in the fucking face so hard i fell to the floor he went to pick me up n i fucking ran so fast. i didnt cry tho anyway took me fucking ages to get home was drunk mind so that didnt help.

i dont think i have a heart ne more. i just dont seem to want to cry...i feel like its gonna build up and i'm gonna explode..you'll no wen it comes. i alwasys do.

anyway i'm home and safe now! talking to sally..she makes me feel safe. x

hell yeah baby!!!!! i just got a email off the lady i sent one to about the flats and renting one and stuff....woooope! mint ey!!! will be about a month until i move out like...get in buzzzzzzz!!

she sed;
We currently only have Bedsitting rooms, Studio's and 1 bed room flats vacant in the centre of Stockton-on-Tees. If would be interested in this area, please give me a call about 2 weeks before you require accommodation, and I will be happy to give you up to date information about availability.
Regards Margaret

soo i woke up about 9ish, just got a txt from kp...........

i dont feel well...i woke up feel wee bit sicky and then i came down for half hour and was sick, was like minging was mainly blood i shouldnt worry though i'm probaly just pregnant.

ian hasnt rang yet pfft!

so am gonna go to bed now!! been learning welsh and a bit of french! eee see i learn more when i dont even go to skewl.

Don't go giving me EVILS!!!! says:
rydwin hoffi polly yn fawr

makes me laugh! plus the fact we just sent lots n lots of pics to each other (me n sally) of ourselves and mingers we bin with and good ones weve been with....was cool. she was trying to work out what my type was. coz she sed ami and kp are totally different then...kirsty is totally different from them 2 never mind ey! i dont have a type.......

i taught myself this.... Dwi'n Calon Ti :D and other things but am to tired so am only to sleep now have to be up early.

nigh all x